Encouragement for the Worn-Out Mommas

It blows my mind to tell people my babies are nine and seven years old.  Back when they were infants I would meet people with fourth-graders and think, “I’m glad that’s so far away, I am SO not ready for that!”  Of course, I wasn’t ready then.  But as time has raced on God has made me prepared.  Parenting has taught me that—believe it or not--you’ll be ready when the time comes!  Even though I’m in a completely different stage of parenting, I often think about those hard early days.  The days when I had multiple babies in diapers and the “body spills” were plentiful.  The days when my back and wrists and hips were all strained with the constant lifting of quickly-growing bodies.  The days when sleeping well was an unattainable dream, and even my dreams featured little cries of “mommy!” that would wake me up in the night.  Those days, momma, are hard.

Why then do older moms so frequently counsel you young mommas to appreciate each moment, to not wish it away, and to watch out or it’ll just fly by?  I guess all those nuggets of wisdom are true.  It does go fast (even faster when you’re looking back at it!) and taking a moment to appreciate it may indeed be helpful.

I want to give you young mommas in the trenches a slightly different word on this.  This season of young children is a precious time, but it is also a difficult, back-breaking, exhausting time.  I am sorry that it has to be so hard for you.  I remember, and I feel your pain.  But the encouragement is this: it is so, so worth it. 

Everything you are doing now: all the bottoms cleaned, all the feedings, all the re-reading the same board book; all the lifting into shopping carts and breaking elbows with heavy car seats, all the sobbing and tantrums and sleep-training: it is all worth it.  Because every single act of love that you pour into them now is building the foundation for who those little people will become. 

You’re in the business of making people.  It’s the hardest and most important work of your life.

Yes, I do miss what my kids were like as babies.  I miss their fat little rolls and baby giggles and the sweet snuggles.  I miss their innocence and even the silliest of the tantrums.  But I also love the people my children are becoming.  I love that they can brush their own teeth and clean their own rooms (thought usually not without a fight).  I love that they are sensitive to the needs of others, full of imagination and creativity and intellect and love.  These are things you don’t see in your babies, but you are nurturing all these things even in the youngest children.

And, after all, it is a season.  However impossible it seems now, you will look up one day and realize with amazement that you have a fourth-grader.  You’ve moved through those trying, early years and you are seeing ever more clearly why you persevered.  So keep your chin up, Momma!  I’ll see you on the other side.  We can get together and tell all the young moms just how fast it goes.

Welcome New Readers!

Hello there!  If you are just joining us from Joy Reclaimed, welcome! I am so glad to have you here. Feel free to look around and introduce yourself in the comments!

For all you regular readers, today I'm guest posting at Joy Reclaimed with a parenting post from waaay back in 2010.

It's about the time I was nominated for the Worst Mommy Ever award.

By failing to buckle my baby in the car.  Whoops.  Click through to share my agony.

Two days ago that same baby, now seven years old, fell off a playground (not for the first time), slowing himself on the way down by using his rib cage against some bars.  Apparently, the close calls never stop.

Sock Treasures (A Guest Post from Joy Reclaimed)

I have a treat for you! I'm welcoming Laura as a guest to the blog today.  This special lady is a new friend of mine but was once my hubby's Sunday School teacher!  Laura is also a mom who is currently raising her five-year-old grandson.  She recently started a blog, Joy Reclaimed...would you please take a moment to check her out there as well?  Here's just a taste of what she has to offer:

Bedtime at our house is filled with typical five year old antics–stalling, more time in the bathtub negotiations, tooth brushing, water drinking and the ritual of choosing the toy of honor that gets to share the bed for the night.  “No, you can’t sleep with that one, you’ll roll over on it in the middle of the night and wake up!” Then a story, bedtime prayers and lights out.

These are normal activities for households with small children, except that we were supposed to be empty nesters.

Last night, I was helping Zachary get ready for bed when he warned me as I reached for his foot to remove his sock.  “There’s art supplies in there!”  In his sock?  Since school?  Sure enough, carefully peeling his sock off his foot revealed seven  brightly colored broken pencil leads that he had collected and placed there for safe keeping during craft time at school.  I asked the obvious questions.  “Why did you save these?” and “Why did you put them in your sock?”  And I got the obvious answers.  “Because I liked them.”  and “Because I didn’t have a pocket!”  Oh.

Against my looks-like-trash-to-me-so toss-it instincts, each tiny colored piece was carefully placed in a dixie cup and several seconds were spent marveling over how pretty each was in the bottom of the cup.  “I like the red one best!”  And then after prayers and kisses; a moment to double check that the small cup with the treasures inside was safe until morning.

I am blessed to again be able to experience the joy of ordinary moments. The ones that really matter. Once again, I get to see the world through a child’s eyes.  Coming from a place of understanding I couldn’t possibly have known as a young parent, I am amazed by how much of what is really important I missed the first time around and am determined to make the best of this second chance.

The road to last night’s bedtime ritual was paved with the stones of poor choices; resulting in bumps, delays, detours, potholes and heart breaking consequences. But it led to a beautiful place of joy I would never have found any other way.

(Isn't this a great reminder for all us moms?  Again, please take a moment to check her out at Joy Reclaimed, and thank you!)

5 Strategies for Summer Survival

Friday is the last day of school for the boys and MAN am I ready!!!  I am so sick of packing lunch and unpacking piles of paper that the prospect of even one more week makes me want to go into a fetal position.  The person who starts a business packing school lunches is gonna be a bazillionaire. Spoiler alert: it won't be me.

I'm so looking forward to lazy days of playing in the pool and wondering aloud at like 2:30, "hey did I feed you lunch yet?  Or even breakfast?"  But of course there is a certain amount of dread when it comes to changing schedules and tons of togetherness, too.  All that time can be intimidating, so today I wanted to share my top strategies for summer survival.

1. Run Your Own Summer Camp

I mean, just for your kids.  Or even invite friends over, what the heck.  This was my top method for summer survival when the kids were small.  I'd choose a different theme each week and organize our activities around it.

The cover of my Summer Camp Binder

Working with a theme was super fun for the boys and really helped keep me motivated and organized. Some examples of themes: Our Country, Water Week, Camping, Pirates, Speed Week (race cars), Farming, you get the idea.

Here's a peek inside--it was very handy to get organized like this!

For tips to get you started, read more here and here.

2. Create (at least some) Structure

Going from a very structured routine to none at all is hard on everyone.  I like to have a general idea of how our days will go and share it with the children.  Especially if you have young children it is helpful to make the routine visible, even if you just list your daily activities on a chalkboard or whiteboard. If your kids are older, you could simply write out a weekly routine and create daily expectations for things they will do.  I made laminated Summer Checklist for my kids. They have to check off every category before they get screen time.

Want to print out your own Summer Checklist for free?  Click on the picture or right here.

3. Make a Summer Bucket List

This summer will be the first that I am using a "bucket list" to motivate and inspire us.  I am making my own filled with specific activities we have locally and things my kids have requested (having a pie fight in the driveway, for example).  But there are tons our there you can use to get you started, too.  I really like the free printables at Yellow Bliss Road and the kids' version at The Teacher Bag (requires signing up with your email).

4. Make Time for Yourself

Look, we all love our little darlings but we also all need time to scream into a pillow, um, hear ourselves think, see to our own needs.  The reason I didn't blog at all last week was because I took some preemptive time for myself in expectation of not having much this summer.  My plan for this summer is to make sure I hit the gym twice a week while my generous mother entertains the boys.  Another option is to hire a mother's helper, which is wonderful even if you don't leave the house.  But if you don't have the budget for that, don't fret!  There are still ways to carve out time for yourself!

An absolute must for me is Quiet Time. We've had Quiet Time in our house ever since Biggest stopped napping, and this summer will be no different.  Everyone retreating to their own space for an hour of reading or quiet play is a life saver.  I will start off our summer with Quiet Time built right in, it will just be part of our daily routine. If your babies are young and have trouble playing on their own, my advice is to gently and firmly enforce your expectation, escorting them right back to their rooms if they interrupt your time.  Having a few of their favorite activities available during that time helps, as does giving them a specified time limit (set a timer for little ones who can't read time yet).  A few tears and tantrums during the transition are worth the sanity-saving effect of Quiet Time and the lessons for them on how to entertain oneself.

Oh! Also, if you have an Ikea near you you can score an hour of free supervised child care for anybody who is potty trained while you shop!  If you don't have an Ikea near you, maybe it's worth the road trip?

5. Have Fun!

In summers past I have been known to start fretting about all the learning that's bein' wasted.  Brain cells deteriorating in the hot sun, handwriting reduced to a scrawl and number sense disappearing.  I've broken out workbooks and math games.  And the really thoughtful, responsible part of me thinks those are legitimate concerns and maybe we will do some math worksheets this summer.  But, if not, that's okay too because my fun-loving side has already declared 2016 as the ULTIMATE SUMMER OF FUN.  And obviously that's not something my kids will forget.  They've taken it as a formal contract and I am sure when we aren't having fun I will be reminded.

My Baby Who is Now Nine Years Old

My baby turned 9 years old in January and I guess I'm feeling like the years are slipping by.  I want to enjoy these little people while they still enjoy hanging out with me.  So we are going to be flinging water balloons and whipped cream at each other, slipping on plastic sheets in the backyard, staying up late to watch fireflies, and eating LOTS of popsicles.  We are going to have fun, darn it, even me.  And whenever I get cranky with the constant bickering I am going to try and remember that my summers with my boys are limited.  I plan on enjoying every minute.

So what about you?  What are your top strategies for summer survival?

When Losing Your Voice Isn't So Bad

I lost my voice four days ago and I am starting to wonder: will it ever come back?  No, not my literary voice; it's my actual voice that's shot.  I can speak just above a whisper in the early part of the day, but by dinner I'm back to almost near silence.  It's not been easy but it has made me think about my words in a new way.

via GIPHY

(If you're reading on email, click through to the blog for the full effect!)

Here's a few things I am learning from this experience:

I Talk Too Much About Everything
Man, I really am a talker.  I like to tell everyone how my boys are a "wall of sound" who "never stop with the jibber-jabber," and while that is true, I can't deny that it's definitely more peaceful around here without my chatter added to the mix.  With speech now such a huge effort, I have become much more selective about what I say and that has me realizing that the vast majority of what I say just doesn't have a point.  It's like my mouth is just a release valve for my overactive brain.  But I don't want to waste anyone's time just spewing stream-of-consciousness.  Besides, being selective about what I say makes me want to be more selective about what I think.

Fewer Words Make a Bigger Impression
Every time I speak over these last few days, I have tried to get my point across in as few words as possible.  It turns out, the same editing process I use when writing is helpful when speaking.  Helpful hint from Captain Obvious: this is also known as "thinking before you speak."  I feel like I am getting my point across to my people with (almost) zero nagging.  Maybe its partly that everyone feels sorry for me, but the kids are doing things after one request.  I can't help but think that my simple, pointed statements are making it easier for the children to focus on what needs doing.

Speaking Softly Makes People Listen
One of my pet peeves is my people yelling throughout the house to get each others' attention.  Yet, when dinner's ready or its time for school, that is exactly what I do!  With no ability to yell I am realizing that I am the worst offender on my own pet peeve!  But speaking softly demands the attention of your listener.  This morning I read a story to the boys over breakfast, just as I do every morning.  Except this morning I was speaking in a whisper.  Rather than the usual spinning around in chairs, or roaming around the kitchen for a napkin/refill/spoon/yogurt, the boys sat quietly and paid full attention to every word.  They had to, or they would miss it.  I'm definitely pulling out this trick when I need full attention in the future.

Plus I Can Hear Better Too
It's easier to be a compassionate, active listener when you already know there's literally nothing you can say in return.

I guess silence really is golden!  I'm still hoping for my voice to return soon but hopefully I'll hang on to these lessons even after it does.  Turning off the release valve, editing my speech, speaking quietly and just listening may just become my best go-to tricks in communicating with my people.  

Teaching Kids about Money (and a Cute Craft to Help!)

For quite some time now, Biggest has been really into "saving up."  He decides on (what else?) a Lego set, and then saves every scrap of money that comes his way until he has enough.  It's been a great exercise in hard work, patience, and handling money.  However, I've wanted a system to make it easy for him to save and tithe--rather than doing these things haphazardly, or in a bank account he can't see.

Fortunately, my dear friend Blair motivated me and asked me to make money jars for her girls, and then I just got on a roll.

This is just so easy.  Blair saw something similar online, but we adapted our design to our needs, and used my Silhouette to make paper and twine tags for each set of jars.  You can easily do this without a Silhouette, using craft-store tags and stickers, or even have your child help make the tags.

The idea, of course, is that all money gets separated in the 10-10-80 method: 10% to savings, 10% to giving, and 80% for spending.  This way, even a young child can watch his "bank account" get bigger (until we take that cash to the actual bank for deposit to his account); he can also take ownership over giving out of his jar.

For my boys, I made tags to match the colors in their rooms, and laminated them for durability.

For Blair's girls, we made adorable tags and didn't laminate them.  Obviously the design options here are limitless!

I was so excited when Biggest got really into splitting up his birthday money.  We practiced counting money, and had a great conversation about why we believe in setting aside money for tithing.  Then he insisted on going to his old piggy bank to split all that money up too!  Proud mama.  This is just a beginning, but is definitely helps to have a system in place, and it's even better when the system is cute!


P.S. Lovin' the Linky's at:






Milk and Cuddles

That Unglued Mommy

My boys have been giving me fits.  Today's case in point was at the tail-end of a birthday party.  Half of you were there, so you got to witness me hauling one screaming child out of the party, the other one trailing behind whining about how it's not fair that he had to leave without cake.  (Yeah, it's not at all humiliating to be the one parent in 20 whose children act like disobedient little wretches at a birthday party.  You'd think we were at the dentist.)

If that were all, maybe I would've been okay, but earlier today Littlest acted a fool when we had his friends over: refusing to share, throwing stuff, you name it.  And he is waaaaay too old for this kind of mess.

And don't get me started on Biggest.  This is like the fifth time in a row he's acted with blatant defiance when its been time to leave someplace.  It has been repeatedly humiliating to me, and is also just patently unacceptable.

So, what do I do?  We've always followed the 1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents Method.  And the consequence of losing a marble out of their marble jars has usually worked.  In recent times, not so much.  What to do?  We're working on it with Littlest.  Biggest now can't go anywhere until he proves to me he can obey with a happy heart as soon as I tell him "we're going."  And the Hubs is upstairs telling him how failing to honor your mother will result in a spanking.  For a child who has never received a spanking, this marks a brand new era in parenting for us.  We gotta put the smack down on this craziness.

But really, its how all this makes my emotions spin that really drives me nuts.

Love this book!

My small group and I are currently reading Lysa TerKeurst's book Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions.  Thank God, because when I finally got those boys out to the car today I was, if not composed, at least able to sit with them for a few minutes and calm down.  I'll admit I didn't totally put the brakes on my mouth, but I certainly didn't let it fly like I might have in the past.  And what I kept thinking about was how these kids aren't my enemy in this situation.  I still regret how upset I got, and I still feel totally humiliated at the way they acted leaving the party.  But I think that today I did a little better than I might have done yesterday.  Maybe. Lysa calls it imperfect progress.  I always knew it by the phrase "Progress, Not Perfection."

Either way, here's to progress.

On Mothering More than One

I got to spend significant one-on-one time with each of my boys this past weekend (thanks Grandma!) and it got me thinking:

Why am I such a great Mommy when I only have one at a time?

Why can't I be equally great when I have them both?

When I just have one boy with me, I am so much more patient.  I listen not just to his words, but the meaning behind them.  See not just his behaviors, but the motivations behind them.  I hear the jokes more, see the needs more, and pay attention more.  I am nicer.  I am able to express more love.

And it feels just terrible to think that I am not measuring up in these categories pretty much all the time, because I am with both my children pretty much all the time.  I would like to be the Mommy I am with one child...but with two.  But how?

{And, by the way, what do moms do when they have three (or more)?  Are you moms of many just blessed with more patience?  Do you work harder at it than I do?}

Anyone feel me?  Have you been there before?  And how did you do better?  I would love your words of wisdom...

Identity Crisis. Again.

One of my favorite places in the whole wide world.

I recently spent a weekend with a group of alumni from my (increasingly distant) university days.  It's just me and about 30 Ph.D's.  Very bright people.  Nice, too.

Have you ever been in a group like this?  One where everyone is introducing themselves with statements like, "I teach engineering at such-and-such University," and "I'm finishing my dissertation in biophysics," and "I just got back from Hogwart's and next week I am going to Cambodia to study developing economies."  Maybe you used to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a social worker, or an administrative assistant.  Whatever you were before you had kids, have you been in a group of people who still...are?

Then you introduce yourself and say, "I stay home with my children."

I kinda hate myself for this, but I couldn't help feeling less than in that environment, wondering if others were judging me for my choices.  I couldn't help wishing I was still working.  And it's hard.  Harder still because I thought I was so over this.  I mean, it's been five years since I "quit working" (a funny phrase really, as if I don't work my behind off now).

And for a year or so after my son was born I was all "who am I?"  Then I got over it.  Or so I thought, before I was confronted with a bunch of awesome people doing awesome stuff that I miss doing.  Truth is, I have never questioned my decision to become a stay-at-home mom.  Just sort of wish I could do it all.

So, things I am trying to remember:

• I chose to stay home with my children and consider it a blessing.  It was my family's decision and the right one for us.  And its a blessing many people don't enjoy, so man, do I feel like Whiney McWhinerson just writing this post!
• Uh...oh yeah, I can't read other people's minds.  No one said I'm stupid for wasting my education, so I gotta stop wondering if that's what people are thinking.  And (more importantly) stop caring.  
• I can't get these years back with my children, but I can work again someday.
• I knew what I was doing, and I considered losing career momentum a worthy trade-off for being at home.
• My success in this endeavor cannot be measured...certainly not in terms of money or position or awards. Perhaps in snuggles? 

I know these things.  But I sure felt that old identity crisis rearing its ugly, judgmental head again that weekend. Maybe next time I find myself in such a situation I'll say, "I keep two people alive every day.  Also teach them to be human."  I do feel pretty good about it, when I put it like that.

Try Try Again

What's that they say about giving a new food to a baby?  You have to try 12 times before they really taste it?  Or 14 times before they'll like it?  Whatevs.  I have been "presenting healthy food" for four years, with nothing to show for it except enough wasted food to feed a continent.

That is, until yesterday.  For FOUR YEARS the only chicken Biggest didn't gag on was a Dino Buddy.  Or a Chick Fil-A nugget.  Every other bit of poultry he ate launched him into fits of spastic heaving.

Until I made Chicken Curry.  You heard me right, chicken curry.  First he tried it.  Then he asked for seconds, then thirds.  Until we ran out.  It was amazing.

Photo: Life's Ambrosia

So, moms of picky eaters, there is hope!!!  I can't believe it, but they might eat something someday besides plain toast and applesauce!!!  Hallelujah!!!

Mommy's Summer Camp

With summer coming on like gangbusters and everyone I know scrambling to find camps and activities for their children, I thought I would share my plans for keeping sane for the next three months.  It's called Mommy's Summer Camp, and I came up with it two years ago when I had a 2-year old to entertain with a newborn in tow.

The idea behind Mommy's Summer Camp is to give both me and my boys some structure without spending a lot of money.  All I do is choose a different theme each week, and I plan them out in advance so I can coordinate them with special events going on that week.

Visiting the Nature Center during Nature week.

For example, Our Country week is July 4th-8th, so it coincides with the Fourth of July.  And Racing week will culminate with the new Cars movie at the end of June.  Having a theme motivates and inspires me to find related activities, and I think my boys will really enjoy it (at least, Biggest did when he was two years old)!

Firetrucks are so cool!  And in my experience firefighters love getting visits.  Especially if you bring them cookies.

Here are some more ideas for activities:

• Go through your child's books at the beginning of the week, and get him to help you!  Pull out the books relevant to that week's theme, and keep them out for the week.  We also go to the library to borrow books on that week's theme.
• Look online at your local children's museums to find out which displays are coming this summer.  Two years ago we scheduled Pirates week when our local museum was having a pirates exhibition.
• Visit http://www.everythingpreschool.com/themes/index.htm to find themes and snacks, songs, and crafts to coordinate.  During Farms week we made the Slop Snacks (trail mix) from this site and have enjoyed them ever since.
• Another great website, especially for craft ideas: http://kidscraftweekly.com.
• Get creative!  Use what you have on hand to do little activities, like digging in the sand for dinosaur bones (twigs), or turn your couch into a submarine during Oceans week.

I'm sure you can think of plenty more ideas, and if you do, please let me know so I can do them too!  Happy Camping!

Sick and Sicker

We've been sick, and by "we" I mean my children.  I have been fine so far, but we all know what that means.  I am not really fine, because no one is fine when their children are suffering.  The worry, the sleeplessness, the hard work (yeah, I have changed one boy's sheets 5 times in two days).  Fun.

We've had snot, fever, vomit, and now strep.  Fortunately, one day on antibiotics and things are looking up again. And it gets me thinking about how my mood, my attitude, my perspective on everything is so affected by what is happening with them.  If they're happy and healthy, life is great.  If they aren't, life sucks.

This up-and-down roller-coaster over which I have no control is my least favorite thing about motherhood.  I have deep issues surrounding loss and fear of loss, and every little sniffle taps into those.  It's brutal, but it's what we all go through all the time.  I would like to think I am pretty spiritually mature, but going through a rocky patch like this one show me I've got some growing to do.  Because God gives me each day, even the days we find ourselves at Urgent Care.  (Someone please tell me why we are always sickest on Sundays?  Why???)

I know there are moms and dads out there who have problems so much bigger than strep throat.  I am friends with a few of them, and knowing what they go through makes me feel ridiculous for panicking over a sore throat.  I just wonder if I will ever be able to keep my perspective, even on those days when my children are feverish and hurting. Will I be able to feel God's love in those moments, just as I do when I feel blessed?  I am reminded of the Serenity Prayer, which I learned a long time ago but seem to "forget" a lot:

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change, 

the courage to change the things I can, 

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Have you ever heard that one?  How do you keep perspective when your kids get sick?

I Live with a Pack of Wolves

Accordingly, I have said all of these things in the last three days:

"Yucky!  We don't eat trash cans."

"Please stop licking the bench."  This said at the public play area at the mall.  Gross.

"Stop shooting your brother with a grappling hook!"

"Take your face out of the potty!"

"Why are you eating my pillow?"

"It's not nice to hit Mommy in the face with a sword."  "It just isn't, that's why."

"No tackling on hardwood floors."

"No bite!  No BITE!  NO BITE!!!"

Sidetracked

Remember how on Monday I told you I was heading right out for a paint sample?  I also had plans to write some clever posts and actually function as a human.  Yeah...not so much. Instead I spent the morning at the pediatrician's office due to Littlest Boo's third ear infection in the last six weeks...then to Target to fill his prescription...then back home to try and feed and medicate and get a nap for his little feverish self...

...followed by Monday afternoon which can be summed up like this: "Up!"  That's all I heard for five straight hours.  Usually in a whiny shout.  And for those five hours I walked around holding that giant baby on my hip.  Well, apparently my body wasn't informed that we still need to do such things sometimes, because when I woke up Tuesday morning I was having excruciating back spasms and could barely stand.  There would be no five hours of "up!" yesterday.  However, there was also no crafty stuff and no writing, clever or otherwise, for the past two days.

Incidentally, a similar thing happened to me last week, when I was sidelined by a visual migraine followed by two straight days of a throbbing headache.  Have you ever had a visual migraine?  It felt like I had just looked into the sun while 100 paparazzi inexplicably shot my picture at exactly the same time.  Freaky.  So, again, not exactly getting around to my "to do" list.

But that's motherhood, and I feel like these last two weeks have been a jolly good reminder that I can only expect so much of myself.  I may have a huge list of things I must do (wipe noses and bottoms) and things I should do (cook dinner) and things I want to do (go AGAIN to Benjamin Moore) and things it would be amazing to do (sit quietly for 3 minutes in a row). But the Mommy job description includes the requirement that a Mommy "must be able to gracefully ditch all her plans in case of a child's urgent needs or her own partial physical shut-down."

Got it, plans ditched.  Not so gracefully, but maybe I'll get there someday.  As soon as I can stand up again.

Worst. Mommy. Ever.

Dear Diary,

I'm writing today because I can't bear to speak publicly about winning the award for Worst Mommy Ever.  It has been four days and I can only just now speak about what happened.  You see, I was running errands.  It used to be that running errands was kind of fun and felt productive.  I would plan my route according to what really needed to get done, and, four or five stores later, I would get around to the fun stuff.  Then I would come home after six or so hours, laden with bags and happy.

These days, "running errands" means planning one or two stops around snack time, meal time, and nap time.  It means no more than an absolute max of three stores or else I will break my back from lifting two big boys and a double stroller in and out of the car twice per stop.  It means sweating no matter the weather, because it is hard work.  It means making a judgment call based on everyone's mood, and planning on using every public restroom in sight, even if we just got in the car and I just asked "do you need to pee?" and I was just told "No!"  It means coming home with whole milk and forgetting everything else.

So Thursday morning I had two goals: go to the grocery store to pick up some posterboard, then take a longish drive up to a paint store in my endless quest for the perfect beige paint color.  This should not be that difficult, right?  So we go to the grocery store and emerge with a large package of posterboard, two balloons which are free for kids at our store, a Grande Skinny Chai from the Starbucks conveniently (and devilishly) located inside, and I even remembered both children.  We make it to the car even though I have no free hands, and everyone manages to get in.  The posterboard, the boys, the stroller, the balloons.  Even the Chai.  This is like thirty minutes after we go in for one thing.  Littlest Boo has a death grip on the balloons and screams like a banshee when I try and remove them from his fat little hands, so I go around to strap in Biggest Boy first.  And off we go!

Twenty-five minutes, five miles of Interstate, and mucho traffic later we get to our destination.  I go around to get LB first, and he's not buckled in.  He's not buckled in!  My heart dropped in my chest, my thoughts started racing and I just started praising God that he was safe.  Apparently out loud, because Biggest Boy starts saying, "Thank the LORD, Mommy, Thank the LORD!"  Which made me laugh enough to calm down.  But still.  This was not a short drive, and it wasn't just around the block.  I cannot believe that I forgot to strap my baby in the car, and besides compulsively checking his buckle for the last four days, I have also been mentally punching myself in the face.

So, that's how I was nominated for Worst Mommy Ever.  Want to know how I won?

The next day I asked That Daddy to go to the liquor store for some Schnapps.  Biggest Boy desperately wanted to go, so he went along in spite of my husband's protests that he was just going to the "adult store" (Stop that snickering!  Minds out of the gutter!")  So they walk in and BB yells, "Hey!  This isn't an 'adult store!'  Mommy brings me here all the time!"

True, if "all the time" is the same as "once a year."  But still, officially the worst.  Ever.  So Diary, thanks for listening.  And don't tell anybody!

What? I'm not cool?

Today I found myself singing the following lyrics in the car:

"All around in my hometown
They tryin' to track me down
They say they want to bring me in guilty
For the sassing of a deputy...
I SAY
I sassed the sheriff
But I did not sass the deputy..."

You get the idea.  Also I was just rocking out to the Killers while I ordered my groceries online.  Because there is nothing as cool as making sure you ordered organic whole milk.

Sigh.  Indeed, I am no longer cool.  I wonder now if I ever was.  I still think I'm cool when I have the time (never) and the energy (rarely) to attempt a "style" (i.e. something that was cool within the last 3 years and has no stains).  I used to think my aviator sunglasses made me look cool, but then I broke them while assembling a Pack 'n' Play.

It's okay though.  I am totally willing to be the uncoolest ever if it means having the privilege of raising these boys.  And by "raising," I do mean rewriting all the best lyrics.  Sorry, Marley.

The Mommy Blues

Well, I just dropped Biggest Boy off for his first day of preschool.  I wasn't really planning on blogging about it, because I already knew I'd be boo-hooing all over the place (as I predicted here).  I spent hours last night tossing and turning, my mind going over the details of getting him there prepared.  Really, really important thoughts like, "Oh no!  What if he needs to go potty?"  (Answer: his teachers will take him).  "What if I forget to put sunblock on him?"  (Answer: I did forget, but it will be okay.  Note to self: worrying about forgetting things in the middle of the night only makes it more likely that you will forget things in the morning).  "What will I do with the baby while I am kissing Biggest Boy goodbye?"  (Answer: he will sit in his stroller and wail at the top of his lungs since he is crazed with stranger anxiety these days).

Had a bit of a revelation when I got home, though.  In all my time worrying about everything, preparing everything, and planning for everything, I forgot to think about what to do with myself this morning.  All of a sudden I have 4 hours with just me and a toddler.  It is amazing how it feels so much like the first time it was just me and a toddler, and that is good and bad.  Good that I can spend some quality alone time with Littlest Boo.  Bad that our conversations are limited to four words and cave-baby grunts.  I will definitely need to plan my mornings a little better.

And as for the tears--I guess they'll stop soon enough.  Every little step of motherhood is a small letting-go.   This is just one of many, but its definitely the biggest I have made so far.  I guess that's why it is hard, and why I've got the Mommy Blues.  Thanks for listening!

The Preschool Generation

I have been chatting with y'all on this blog for only about a month now, but already the feedback I am getting is so affirming, interesting, and even challenging.  One of the greatest things is that the blog has inspired conversations about all things Mommy, and allowed people to open up about their perspectives.

For example, my friend Julie wrote to me recently about being the mom of several preschool children, let's call these moms the Preschool Generation, and here is what she said:

You know how older women will say, “you will miss this one day… or embrace it, I wish mine were still young.”  Or recently I read in one of Dobsons books that most parents would give everything they own to have the time with their kids when they were little back.  It’s funny because I soak all those comments in and REALLY REALLY try and embrace things.  But, this morning in the shower (after an EXHAUSTING night)  Zane WAS pounding and screaming at the door while I was rushing in the shower, I thought, “I think people forget about these moments”…  Granted, I think that is a good thing it is our love forgetting the difficult parts… But, I have been reflecting on for a while from several significant conversations about how it is both glorious and exhausting to be a parent of young children.  Not just glorious.  Not just exhausting.  Both.  And, sometimes I think it can feed false guilt when older mothers say, “appreciate it now…” because they are forgetting… and they should.  Or I think it encourages women NOT to open up about the true challenges… It almost silences them.  Or, the other extreme they tend to say it is all horrible… and then that in itself isolates them because they push people away acting like such a victim.  So either extreme isolates – saying it is all blissful or all dreadful…

How many of you in the Preschool Generation have had someone say, "oh just enjoy these years because I wish my kids were still little?"  A perfect stranger said that to me just a couple of days ago.  And as Julie says, we do try and follow that advice.  We take mental snapshots of the sweet moments, and take time to cuddle and love on those babies while they still want hugs.

But does it also make you feel just a teensy bit guilty when you are absolutely struggling to keep sane through the hard physical and emotional labor of caring for preschoolers, and then someone tells you how great you have it?  I am not at all criticizing moms who give that advice, because I do think they have learned how fleeting childhood is and just want us to make the most of it.

So why do we sometimes bristle when we hear these kinds of comments?  Is it because we moms are just so ready to bash ourselves over the head with guilt?  Maybe because we need to be affirmed in how difficult this work actually is?  Because we already know that we'll forget the hardest parts?

I love how Julie wrote that being a Mommy is both glorious and exhausting.  The greatest honor and the hardest work.  Maybe we need to talk more about it being both?