Sunday Funnies

Yesterday morning I had the boys upstairs with me to get them out of the Hubs's hair for a while.   Actually, I try not to shower around Biggest any more, ever since he asked me where my penis was.  But Hubs was doing some research on how to save us money (and I wanted to keep that going) so I thought, "Hey, they can play in our room while I shower."

There I was, innocently getting ready to get in the shower, when Biggest blurts out, "Wow, Mommy, you sure have a Big Old Bum!"  Yes.  Yes he did.  My confidence shriveled into nothingness as I said, "Um, okay, that's nice."  After all, we do frequently say things like what a BIG boy he is and how he'll be BIG as Daddy someday, and he should eat his vegetables so he can get BIG.  So big is good........right?

Then he turns to the baby and says, "See!  Mommy has a Big Old Bum!  No, it's a GIANT bum!  Mommy has a GIANT bum!  Mommy has a GIANT bum!"  This last part was actually in the form of a song.

A giant bum. And if that doesn't get me to Zumba this week, nothing will.  That Mommy, over and out.

Sidetracked

Remember how on Monday I told you I was heading right out for a paint sample?  I also had plans to write some clever posts and actually function as a human.  Yeah...not so much. Instead I spent the morning at the pediatrician's office due to Littlest Boo's third ear infection in the last six weeks...then to Target to fill his prescription...then back home to try and feed and medicate and get a nap for his little feverish self...

...followed by Monday afternoon which can be summed up like this: "Up!"  That's all I heard for five straight hours.  Usually in a whiny shout.  And for those five hours I walked around holding that giant baby on my hip.  Well, apparently my body wasn't informed that we still need to do such things sometimes, because when I woke up Tuesday morning I was having excruciating back spasms and could barely stand.  There would be no five hours of "up!" yesterday.  However, there was also no crafty stuff and no writing, clever or otherwise, for the past two days.

Incidentally, a similar thing happened to me last week, when I was sidelined by a visual migraine followed by two straight days of a throbbing headache.  Have you ever had a visual migraine?  It felt like I had just looked into the sun while 100 paparazzi inexplicably shot my picture at exactly the same time.  Freaky.  So, again, not exactly getting around to my "to do" list.

But that's motherhood, and I feel like these last two weeks have been a jolly good reminder that I can only expect so much of myself.  I may have a huge list of things I must do (wipe noses and bottoms) and things I should do (cook dinner) and things I want to do (go AGAIN to Benjamin Moore) and things it would be amazing to do (sit quietly for 3 minutes in a row). But the Mommy job description includes the requirement that a Mommy "must be able to gracefully ditch all her plans in case of a child's urgent needs or her own partial physical shut-down."

Got it, plans ditched.  Not so gracefully, but maybe I'll get there someday.  As soon as I can stand up again.

The Gift of Flab

Me and Littlest Boo at 38 weeks.

Biggest Boy has recently started giving me gifts.  Flowers, drawings, that kind of thing.  It is soooo cute.  What is not so cute is the first gift my boys ever gave me, and although they are separated by two years they were complicit in this one.  It is cellulite and it did not come wrapped with a pretty bow.

I have been working hard to get the baby weight off.  Eating better, working out, trying to resist the siren call of Breyer's Carbsmart ice cream with a mint Oreo crushed in...mmmm, delicious...cannot wait to eat you Breyer's...wait, where was I?  Oh yeah, I was in a dear friend's wedding last month and nothing motivates you like being in someone else's wedding pics.

The thing is, it doesn't seem to matter how much weight I lose, or how hard I work, I'm still not seeing the body I remember.  I fear it may never return, and no, I do not so much like what has been left in the wake of two pregnancies.  Can someone please just tell me where my pre-baby butt went, and why it had to leave mommy-butt in its place???