Only Jesus Could Do This

(This is a re-post from a prior year.  Happy Easter!)

Hallelujah!  He is risen!  

I make a lot of fuss about Christmas, but Easter has the most tender place in my heart, because today we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus.

Only Jesus, being the son of God, could bear the weight of the world's sins.

Only Jesus, being both man and God, could both die and conquer death.

Only Jesus, the sacrificial lamb, could reconcile us forever with a God who is both just and merciful:

He took on our sins to satisfy God's perfect justice.  

He rose again to embody God's perfect mercy.

That mercy is God's amazing gift to each of us.  Today: make it your own.  Remember, celebrate, and thank Him.  He is risen indeed!

Encouragement for the Worn-Out Mommas

It blows my mind to tell people my babies are nine and seven years old.  Back when they were infants I would meet people with fourth-graders and think, “I’m glad that’s so far away, I am SO not ready for that!”  Of course, I wasn’t ready then.  But as time has raced on God has made me prepared.  Parenting has taught me that—believe it or not--you’ll be ready when the time comes!  Even though I’m in a completely different stage of parenting, I often think about those hard early days.  The days when I had multiple babies in diapers and the “body spills” were plentiful.  The days when my back and wrists and hips were all strained with the constant lifting of quickly-growing bodies.  The days when sleeping well was an unattainable dream, and even my dreams featured little cries of “mommy!” that would wake me up in the night.  Those days, momma, are hard.

Why then do older moms so frequently counsel you young mommas to appreciate each moment, to not wish it away, and to watch out or it’ll just fly by?  I guess all those nuggets of wisdom are true.  It does go fast (even faster when you’re looking back at it!) and taking a moment to appreciate it may indeed be helpful.

I want to give you young mommas in the trenches a slightly different word on this.  This season of young children is a precious time, but it is also a difficult, back-breaking, exhausting time.  I am sorry that it has to be so hard for you.  I remember, and I feel your pain.  But the encouragement is this: it is so, so worth it. 

Everything you are doing now: all the bottoms cleaned, all the feedings, all the re-reading the same board book; all the lifting into shopping carts and breaking elbows with heavy car seats, all the sobbing and tantrums and sleep-training: it is all worth it.  Because every single act of love that you pour into them now is building the foundation for who those little people will become. 

You’re in the business of making people.  It’s the hardest and most important work of your life.

Yes, I do miss what my kids were like as babies.  I miss their fat little rolls and baby giggles and the sweet snuggles.  I miss their innocence and even the silliest of the tantrums.  But I also love the people my children are becoming.  I love that they can brush their own teeth and clean their own rooms (thought usually not without a fight).  I love that they are sensitive to the needs of others, full of imagination and creativity and intellect and love.  These are things you don’t see in your babies, but you are nurturing all these things even in the youngest children.

And, after all, it is a season.  However impossible it seems now, you will look up one day and realize with amazement that you have a fourth-grader.  You’ve moved through those trying, early years and you are seeing ever more clearly why you persevered.  So keep your chin up, Momma!  I’ll see you on the other side.  We can get together and tell all the young moms just how fast it goes.

Sock Treasures (A Guest Post from Joy Reclaimed)

I have a treat for you! I'm welcoming Laura as a guest to the blog today.  This special lady is a new friend of mine but was once my hubby's Sunday School teacher!  Laura is also a mom who is currently raising her five-year-old grandson.  She recently started a blog, Joy Reclaimed...would you please take a moment to check her out there as well?  Here's just a taste of what she has to offer:

Bedtime at our house is filled with typical five year old antics–stalling, more time in the bathtub negotiations, tooth brushing, water drinking and the ritual of choosing the toy of honor that gets to share the bed for the night.  “No, you can’t sleep with that one, you’ll roll over on it in the middle of the night and wake up!” Then a story, bedtime prayers and lights out.

These are normal activities for households with small children, except that we were supposed to be empty nesters.

Last night, I was helping Zachary get ready for bed when he warned me as I reached for his foot to remove his sock.  “There’s art supplies in there!”  In his sock?  Since school?  Sure enough, carefully peeling his sock off his foot revealed seven  brightly colored broken pencil leads that he had collected and placed there for safe keeping during craft time at school.  I asked the obvious questions.  “Why did you save these?” and “Why did you put them in your sock?”  And I got the obvious answers.  “Because I liked them.”  and “Because I didn’t have a pocket!”  Oh.

Against my looks-like-trash-to-me-so toss-it instincts, each tiny colored piece was carefully placed in a dixie cup and several seconds were spent marveling over how pretty each was in the bottom of the cup.  “I like the red one best!”  And then after prayers and kisses; a moment to double check that the small cup with the treasures inside was safe until morning.

I am blessed to again be able to experience the joy of ordinary moments. The ones that really matter. Once again, I get to see the world through a child’s eyes.  Coming from a place of understanding I couldn’t possibly have known as a young parent, I am amazed by how much of what is really important I missed the first time around and am determined to make the best of this second chance.

The road to last night’s bedtime ritual was paved with the stones of poor choices; resulting in bumps, delays, detours, potholes and heart breaking consequences. But it led to a beautiful place of joy I would never have found any other way.

(Isn't this a great reminder for all us moms?  Again, please take a moment to check her out at Joy Reclaimed, and thank you!)

What Brings Me Peace

Pretty Little Coco

Last week I had to make the painful decision to put my 12-year-old cat to sleep.  She had been pretty sick for the last couple of months, and I knew this day would come.  The vet said she was 100% sure it was time, and I know it was the merciful thing to do.  Yet...the rawness of the loss is still so hard.  It was hard to lose her, and hard to be reminded of what loss feels like.  I wept a lot that day. Prayed grateful prayers that God showed me when it was time.  Hugged my puppy extra hard.

Last week I also had a chance to visit not one but two botanical gardens.  Those visits ended up being like a balm to my hurting heart.  You know what cheers me up?  Flowers.

I took these pictures at the Orchid House at Daniel Stowe Botanical Gardens:

I took these at the McMillan Greenhouse at UNC Charlotte: 

Being in the presence of such exquisite natural beauty sets me on a path to peace. I hope my pictures today bring you a little peace, too.

What Easter Means to Me

Hallelujah!  He is risen!  

I make a lot of fuss about Christmas, but Easter has the most tender place in my heart, because today we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus.

Only Jesus, being the son of God, could bear the weight of the world's sins.

Only Jesus, being both man and God, could both die and conquer death.

Only Jesus, the sacrificial lamb, could reconcile us forever with a God who is both just and merciful:

He took on our sins to satisfy God's perfect justice.  

He rose again to embody God's perfect mercy.

That mercy is God's amazing gift to each of us.  Today: make it your own.  Remember, celebrate, and thank Him.  He is risen indeed!

Moss Inspired

I have a wee obsession with moss (the plant and the color).  Totally geek out over it.  Whenever I'm out and see moss I usually snap its picture, like the crazy lady that I am.

I love it alongside paths:

Creeping up trees:

And taking over walls:

I also used it my fairy garden:

There's something about how tiny it is, yet how beautiful it can be and what an impact it can make. So, just for fun, here's a moss-inspired color palette to inspire you (hopefully as much as moss inspires me!)

Love,

Seeking Beauty in...Difficult Times

This post is part of a continuing series called Seeking Beauty.  To see all the posts in this series, click here.

Sometimes, its hard for me to find the right words, and this post is a perfect example. How can I communicate how to seek beauty in the middle of tough times?  Sure, I could tell you stories.  Stories of children with cancer, other children gone too soon.  Of sickness, violence, addiction.  God has blessed me with an overdeveloped sense of empathy, so stories stick with me.  I often have to pray over strangers before the story of their suffering will recede in my mind.  And if you are like me, looking around at the chaos and destruction and suffering in our world, you are calling out, "Why?  Why do such terrible things happen to innocent people?  Why is there such suffering?"

I wrote a post a couple of years ago about that "why." It is actually one of my most popular posts.  It is called Pain and you can read it here.  It takes first steps in explaining why, as a person of faith, I believe suffering exists.  The headline: suffering is the necessary consequence of free will.  It results from a fallen world.  And, more importantly, this: when we suffer, we have a chance to look upon the face of God. 

So, this post isn't about why.  It's more how.  How to see beauty in a world that is so messed up.  I think--and of course you are free to share if you disagree--the only real way to do it is by looking for Jesus.  Sometimes the most beautiful moments I have with the Lord come directly out of difficult times.  A painful experience which will cause me to seek Him, to witness His work in my life, to be acutely aware of His presence.  This has happened for me especially as friendships ebb and flow, and that stinkin' empathy catches up with me.

For many of us, we had to get pretty low in order to lift our eyes to Heaven and acknowledge our weakness.  I want you to know that I searched for years before coming to Jesus.  I researched and read and visited churches and other places of worship.  I had a lot of knowledge...and it didn't get me very far.  What did?  Sinking into a deep pit of depression and loneliness, and crying out for a God I still hadn't acknowledged to help me.  And when he did...it was Jesus.  I truly couldn't believe it, and honestly didn't want it to be Jesus.  Until that point, I was sure Christians were a hypocritical and judgmental bunch, not to mention wrong.

But then, when Jesus claimed me from the edge of a cliff and started opening my eyes, I experienced true relief from suffering for the first time in my entire life.  I began to learn from him, lean on him, trust him as he led me forward to belief, baptism, and a life with him.  I could not have experienced that immense beauty without first suffering.  BUT.  I had to look to him, too.  I couldn't reject him anymore.  I had to open up his word and read it.  I (being hyper analytical) also had to try and understand some of the mysteries I found there.  And then, I also had to learn to trust when understanding wasn't coming.

Paul talked about suffering a thorn in his flesh (some kind of suffering) which he pleaded with Jesus to take away from him.  Instead, Paul was told "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Paul concluded, "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Cor. 12: 7-10.

If this seems completely contradictory to you, you are right.  Jesus can be that way sometimes. His logic is not the same as our logic...it's better.  And we are in no way promised an end to our suffering here on earth, that is very clear.  Jesus tells us, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  John 16:33.  He knows we will go through trying times, and he's looking for you, even there.

Want to find beauty even in the middle of difficult times?  Look for him.

This is heavy stuff.  Please feel free to comment publicly or send me a private message at thatmommyblog{at}gmail{dot}com if you have any thoughts to share.

  

Here's to Happy!

Happy New Year!!!

I absolutely love this time of year--it always brings a renewed energy for paring down, getting simple, eating right, organizing everything...you know...all the biggies.

I'm not making any resolutions this year because certain failure is disappointing, ha!  Nor do I have a word of the year or a theme or anything.  I want to be better at everything and yes, I will certainly give that my best shot.

But the main things for me are to seek God, love others, enjoy life.  Oh well if my floors are mostly dirty or my linen closet re-org lasts for only a month, or my kitchen remains unpainted for another year (I'm looking at you, 2015 resolution).  Oh well if my veggie shake gets supplanted by breakfast from Bojangles every once in a while.  Oh well if the kids' toys finally succeed in their quest to overtake my home.

But enjoying where the Lord has placed me, doing good work in those places, and seeking Him? I have confidence those goals will get me somewhere.  How do I know?  Because they already have! Here I am, talking to you, after all, which is one of my favorite things to do.  So cheers to the author of all goodness today!  Here's to happy!

A Peaceful Christmas

Merry Christmas dear friends!  Thank you for reading this year (and for sticking with me through some blogging ups and downs).

My prayer this Christmas is for peace...peace in the midst of trying times globally...peace in our homes and lives...peace that surpasses understanding and transcends our circumstances.

"For to us a child is born,

to us a son is given,

and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, 

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

--Isaiah 9:6--

Celebrating the Prince of Peace this Christmas!

Seeking Beauty in...Monotony

Back when my boys were tiny I felt like I was getting a repetitive motion injury to my brain.  Every day was the same to the point of absolute monotony.  I could count on diapers, laundry, and tears.  The highlight of my day, people, was getting the mail.  Bless it.  It’s not that I didn’t enjoy being home with my babies—oh my goodness, it was a blessing and an honor.  However, the sameness of every day was extremely difficult for me. 

These days, as a stay-at-home mom to school-aged children, every day is wildly different.  There is a pattern to my weeks, certainly, but my days are pretty varied.  Between volunteering, Bible Study, working from home, being with friends, working out, blogging and shuttling kids to their activities, the days are a whirlwind and each one is different. 

I was thinking about this change recently as I headed out for yet another walk with my oh-so-energetic puppy.  He needs a minimum of 45 minutes a day walking and at times it has felt like a burden to get him out each. and. every. day.  Yet it’s been dawning on me that there is beauty to be found in the repetition of this act—dare I say, in the monotony of it.

You know where I am going with this, right?  These days, I’m finding that a little monotony is good for me.

It’s not just that my daily walk gets me out into the natural world (that might be a post for another day).  It’s the actual repetition that is so beautiful.  By engaging my body in an activity I could do automatically, I’m giving my mind some space.  As I head out each day my thoughts turn first to deciding on a route.  Then, the route settled on and the dog into his good trot, my mind just…settles.  It settles in a way that is hard to explain.  It’s like coming back to myself. 

So, my mind can settle and turn toward what’s important.  Sometimes it’s planning blog posts.  Oftentimes, it’s praying for people or asking God what he would like to show me that day.  Occasionally, it’s just enjoying some silence.  My body is busy but my mind is at rest.  Rest in an almost sanctified space which I can rarely find without the monotony of the walk.  The repetition of familiar sights, the repetition of step after step after step, the sameness of it all--it is all just incredibly soothing.  I guess you could say it’s a form of meditation.      

This feels really personal to me, so why am I sharing it?  It’s because I hope to encourage you to seek beauty, even in monotony.  Perhaps especially in monotony.  If you have a long commute, turn off the radio and let that repetitive drive become an opportunity for your mind to turn toward what’s important.  If you are home with a couple of tiny things, folding your seventh load of laundry, try making that your time to pray, to focus on what’s important and lovely, to meditate.  

So what do you do every day, over and over?  Whatever it is, let that be your moment to seek God’s face.  If you consistently carve out those moments, I promise he will show up.  And that is beautiful.

Seeking Beauty in...Small Things

The greenway near my house.

Recently I was here talking about the way God has been calling me to seek beauty in the everyday. You might be wondering what exactly that means, beyond noticing actual beautiful objects in the world around us.  Yes, I am into beauty for its aesthetic value, or else I wouldn't get all foolish over Target's Christmas section.  Gorgeous.

But what I really mean when I talk about seeking beauty in the everyday is this: catching a glimpse of the holy.  Catching a glimpse of God's face here on earth, experiencing his peace in the midst of turmoil, turning my ear toward his voice.

How?  Well I have quite a few thoughts about that, too many for one blog post.  But for now I just want to talk about seeking beauty in the small things.  Most of our lives are spent in small moments. Preparing meals, caring for babies, cleaning house, working at jobs we may or may not love.  What I want to say is that these moments, be they boring or irritating or simply required, are the gist of our lives.  I'm one to fall into the trap of waiting on that next big vacation, promotion, or celebration...looking so much forward to it that I discount what's right in front of me.  But God didn't place me in one long vacation of a life.  He placed me in a life of small moments, and every single one is brimming with potential.

So I'm trying: when I fold the laundry, to enjoy the smell of it.  The accomplishment of another load washed and folded.  The feel of the fabric in my hands.

I'm trying: when the kids are a wall of noise, to revel in their giggles instead of focusing on their volume.

I'm trying: when the dog is bonkers and needs a walk, to notice what's beautiful about that walk. Appreciate the exercise.  Enjoy the repetition of the same old route.

I'm trying: when everyone wants to eat yet again and usually just when I cleaned up the kitchen, to at least give a brief "thank you" that we have plentiful food and multiple ways to prepare it.

I suppose this has something to do with mindfulness.  Lots of people have written about that practice. My specific inspiration is found in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, which says "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  Always means always.  Every moment, big or small.  Every moment, happy or sad.  Every moment, pained or healthy.  (That last one is a real thorn in my side.  Also cleaning toilets.  I hate cleaning toilets.)

So if you give this a try today please let me know your thoughts about it.  And if you figure out how to rejoice in cleaning toilets, you must let me know!

Seeking Beauty in the Everyday

Today it's the sound of rain blasting down from the heavens and beating on the deck outside; on the glass tabletop, on the galvanized tub that's been out there for three months, on the old wood decking. The other day it was meeting an elderly married couple at a nursing home for my son's Service Learning field trip.  The husband is 91 years old.  His wife visits him there every. single. day.  Most days, it's the natural world in some from or another proclaiming God's glory with every growing thing, every turning leaf, every impossible color.  Also most days, it's my boys' giggles, their funny vocabularies, something they say or do or learn.

Honestly, I am crazed and crazy most of the time.  All twitchy-eyed from listening to the dog bark at nothing all day, all irritable at the bill I missed paying, all grouchy at the kid who is continually falling off his kitchen stool.  I know your pants are slippery but please just stop trying to break yourself.  I aint perfect and I know it.  There's a lot of stuff at which I do not excel.

If there is one thing I am good at, it's finding beauty in the everyday, mundane moments that add up to hours and days and years and life. It's how I'm wired, how I cope, and what I do.  It's why my instagram feed is full of shots of nature. It's why I have a soft spot for poetry.  It's why I love decorating my home and reading about other people decorating theirs.  It's why I have literally filmed sunlight on a white blanket.

I love that stuff.

Love that verse from Ecclesiastes also.  Interestingly, Ecclesiastes 3:11 doesn't stop there but says in its entirety:

He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

We can never fully comprehend our mighty God, but how interesting that he "set eternity" in our hearts--he created us to long for him and the beautiful story he is writing for us and this world. In this life we cannot fully know that story, but I love the idea that maybe we can catch glimpses.  And I love the idea that those glimpses come in the midst of the humble, everyday moments of our lives.

So, that's the project God has called me to in this season. Seeking beauty in the everyday.  Figuring out how to see it, how to appreciate it, how to share it.  Join me, won't you?  You can see where we go here, on Facebook, on Pinterest and on Instagram.

On Grown-Up Friendships

My family was on vacation last week, our only beach trip this year.  We were so blessed to be able to meet up with our closest friends, spending three days laughing and playing together.  I was especially struck by the pure joy of the children’s play.  My two boys and our friends’ two girls see each other only three or four times a year, but when they are together they are the best of friends.  It’s just so easy.

Don’t you wish it were that easy for us grown-ups?  I know I do.  I have written here before about friendships, about how hard it can be to make meaningful bonds with other women.  But it’s been a while, and it’s strange to think I’ve circled back to this place again.  Oh, I have been blessed with a few amazing, deep friendships and thank God for them all the time.  I would never want to minimize that blessing or shrug it off.  But there have been a number of friendships in my life that have been more…difficult.

Do you experience this kind of relational trial too?  Sometimes for me it has come in the form of realizing that the friendship is just limited…by too-deep differences in faith or values; perhaps by my boundaries or hang-ups or those of my friend.  Sometimes simply temperament, demanding schedules, or differences in the ages of our children has gotten in the way.  Sometimes everything seems to be going along wonderfully…and then there’s some kind of falling away that might not ever be fully explained.

The truth is, every rift or disruption in a friendship just hurts.  Maybe when empathy is one of your strongest qualities (like me), or maybe mostly when you’re PMS-ing (like me), or maybe just for everyone.  And it’s also so confusing, as in, “I’m 38 years old and haven’t I figured this out yet?”  But the older I get, the more I believe that I’m not alone in this particular struggle.  We all seem to be flailing about to one degree or another, seeking connection and understanding, comfort and compassion.

So, I’m praying through this again lately and thought maybe you would join me.  Join me in praying for those solid girlfriend relationships that can carry us through; praying for healing for the places we’ve been hurt; praying for grace to forgive whatever resentments we’re hanging on to.  Prayer to the One who loves me, who is my best friend, is the best comfort I have found when things get tricky.  I welcome your prayers, and I welcome your comments here or via email.  I would love to hear about your experiences in this thing called friendship.

The Pool Moves With Me

Have you heard about this guy Ben Lecomte?  At the end of this month he is going to jump into the ocean in Tokyo and swim for eight hours a day, every day, for six months.  He will eventually end up in San Francisco, having crossed the entire Pacific ocean.  That's just amazing to me, that someone out there can actually do that (he crossed the Atlantic in 1998), and also that someone would want to (I'm not exactly a swimmer).  His goal is to bring attention to sustainability and the environment, especially overfishing.  I just think it's awesome.

But the thing that really got my attention was what Lecomte said when asked about the challenge: "I never jump into the water thinking about the entire ocean, I just cut it into small pieces.  When I am in the middle of the ocean, I think about being in a pool and the pool moves with me."  Source: NPR.

"The pool moves with me."

Could he cross the Pacific if he was thinking about all those miles ahead?  Maybe not.  And in this way, maybe I actually can relate to Lecomte.  Alas, I will probably never even swim across my local pool, but there have been many times in my life when I needed the pool to move with me.  When my sister died, I was thrown into an ocean of grief...and I had to simply keep treading water...day after day, for years, until life became different.  I reached a new shore. When years ago I faced difficult relational issues I learned to recite (and focus on) "One Day at a Time."  Later, as mom to toddlers, it was more often "One Minute at a Time."

The best news is that while we focus on our small pool or our one minute, God is holding onto us and our futures. When Paul was imprisoned in Rome and awaiting trial under Emperor Nero he wrote to the Philippians, exhorting them to rejoice in Christ and live by his example.  Paul, imprisoned and subjected to all kinds of difficulties and discomforts, told them "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Phil 4:6-7.  He didn't say we would receive peace by handling everything, or by knowing the future; rather it would be through prayerfully and thankfully seeking God.

Paul goes on to say that he knows the secret to being content in any circumstances.  Through any trial, through any vast ocean, the secret is Christ.  "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."  Phil 4:13.  So often this verse is interpreted as a blank check, as if through my own strength I can achieve all manner of success by merely attaching Christ's name to my efforts.  That's a hollow interpretation.  The way Paul meant it was this: the world and its circumstances will grieve you, but you can overcome through Christ's strength alone.

What ocean have you thrown yourself into, or been plunged into through no fault of your own?  I hope its encouraging to remember that you don't need to handle the whole thing right now.  Take it one minute at a time.  Imagine shrinking that ocean down into the size of a pool, and let the pool move with you.  Then, trust God with the rest.  You can overcome any trial when you allow Christ to strengthen you.

As I hit publish, I am praying for God's peace to be with you.  And stay tuned...I'm super excited to be making a big announcement later this week!

You Teach Them How To Treat You

For the last ten weeks my life has been completely dominated by this guy.

Hi, I'm Angus.  I'm a straight-up mess.

I really only want to live with a dog if he has manners, and I'm the lucky one who gets to teach him all those manners!  He came to me at 8 weeks old, adorable and wild.  He had no idea we don't jump on people or the couch, that we can't nip the kids out of excitement, that mouthing people/clothes/furniture is not okay.  I have had to teach him all that stuff and a lot more.

It has reminded me a lot of that old saying, "You teach people how to treat you."  Have you ever heard that saying?  I'm literally teaching this puppy how to treat us. For people, I think it means that others learn really quickly how far they can go with us, what boundaries we have and how we react when they're crossed.  If you stay silent when someone talks down to you, you have taught them to talk down to you.  If you yell and scream when you are angry, you teach them that yelling and screaming is how to communicate with you.

Boundaries: they're important.

I have had some big relational disappointments in the last year or so, with the sudden disappearance of a really good friend and with some other issues with people I love.  Revisiting this principle, "you teach people how to treat you," has me asking where I lost sight of my boundaries.  Have I allowed any of them to be crossed, without consequence?  I think the answer is most definitely "yes." So often we don't want to establish boundaries, or we let them slide, out of fear of confrontation, or even (as was my case with my friend) because on the surface the relationship seems fulfilling and like nothing can go wrong.  I guess I had gotten lazy with certain boundaries, and the result is really painful.

Today maybe give a few minutes of thought to your boundaries.  Are you teaching anyone out there to disrespect you?  To be too familiar?  To jump frantically up and down when company comes over? Oh wait, that's just the puppy.  Well you get my point.  It's the same for dogs and people--we are at least partly responsible for how they treat us.  Or maybe you are all good in this area; if so, you go girl!  Good job!  In any case, gut-check accomplished.  I gotta run for now and go pick up some poop or something.