Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Coming Clean

Happy New Year!

Yep, I am more than a little belated.  Sorry about that, but I am still feeling the "fresh start" mood of the new year and I am going to kick mine off by sharing what's been going on with me for the last six months.

Sometime last Spring or early Summer my husband applied for a job in a different city.  We went through months of waiting, interviewing, waiting, interviewing again before he was finally offered the job, and it was a dream come true!  We absolutely love that area, and it was a great job opportunity, so we enthusiastically embraced the change and put our house on the market.

Five months later, our house was still not even close to selling.  My husband was working at his new job during the week and commuting home on the weekends, and this went on for four months.  I was basically a single mom all week long, with my house on the market and no preschool since it was Summer.  Recipe for crazy.  I have a new appreciation for real single moms, and for moms whose spouses travel a lot.  I will admit that I let most things in my life slide.  Little things like exercise, and healthy eating habits, and friendships, and consistent discipline, and limits on cartoon watching, and attempting patience and...well, you get the point.  It was all about keeping the house clean and looking forward to the Hubs coming home on the weekend.

And it was hard for my husband, too.  That man missed us, ya know?

So, when his job here offered him a new position, and when the folks at his new job were completely understanding about why he would come back...well, he did!  And again, it was a dream come true.  My husband "moved back" in mid-December and we've been honeymooning ever since.

Things I learned from this experience that I would like to share with you:

1. I am a very private person.  This is something I have always known about myself, but this experience  showed me how that tendency impacts my blog.  I had safety concerns about sharing that I was alone with the kids all week (is that crazy or just cautious?  I can't be sure).  But something more was at play here...and it was about opening up to others when things get rough.  I am not good at it.  So I didn't, at least not here.  And, in a way, I regret that because I might have really benefited from getting some feedback from you.  But I also know I am hardwired to be private.  What is a mommy blogger to do when opening up is not her nature?

2.  I am a very impatient person.  When I want something, I want it now.  I have about as much patience for God's plan as my kids have on Christmas morning.  I was so humbled by being forced to wait, and then having His plan be so different from my expectations, and--of course--so much better.

3. I take so much for granted.  Like my imperfect house that nevertheless has many features I couldn't find in a new house.  Like children who are resilient and didn't kill me during those five months.  Like a husband who does all that he does.  Like a God who held me in his hands when I cried over this ordeal, speaking gently through my pain and reminding me I will be better for it.  If I am going to make a resolution this year, its to not take so much for granted.

I hope it doesn't sound like I think that what I have been through is the worst thing in the world.  I think of all the women whose husbands are deployed right now and my little situation looks like a fairy tale in comparison.  Nor do I go around being hard on myself in how I reacted.  But I wanted to share my thoughts on the whole thing, and to explain why the blog has taken a backseat.

It's ironic that 2011 was supposed to be the year of "Simpler is Better." Instead it was the year I started a business, put my house on the market, and was a quasi-single mom for half the year.  My motto should have been "Simpler is Not Gonna Happen."  I'm not making a motto for 2012, but if I did it would be something like:

"Love what you have and trust God with the rest 
because life is crazy and you just gotta do your best."  

Ya feel me?

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2 comments:

  1. Michelle, this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am so happy I got to sit across from you for hours over Christmas break and hear about your 2011 year....I had no idea! I think it's okay to be private, especially when it concerns the safety of your family. However, I've also learned that most people WANT to help when help is needed. The problem is usually humbling ourselves to recieve that help. (I had to learn that when Andy had his accident.)
    When we got back from visiting with you guys, I told Andy I was ready for change and I want to pack our bags and move close to ya'll. Crazy, I know. Aww well, I guess my lesson this year is to be CONTENT. : )

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  2. Beautifully and eloquently said my friend. I am sorry you have been through so much. Just a gentle reminder that we need not only to lean on God during these times but our worldly friends as well. It is very humbling to ask for help but yet so many are so willing to give. Wonder why that is? Just know we are always here for you no matter what.

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