The Mommy Blues

Well, I just dropped Biggest Boy off for his first day of preschool.  I wasn't really planning on blogging about it, because I already knew I'd be boo-hooing all over the place (as I predicted here).  I spent hours last night tossing and turning, my mind going over the details of getting him there prepared.  Really, really important thoughts like, "Oh no!  What if he needs to go potty?"  (Answer: his teachers will take him).  "What if I forget to put sunblock on him?"  (Answer: I did forget, but it will be okay.  Note to self: worrying about forgetting things in the middle of the night only makes it more likely that you will forget things in the morning).  "What will I do with the baby while I am kissing Biggest Boy goodbye?"  (Answer: he will sit in his stroller and wail at the top of his lungs since he is crazed with stranger anxiety these days).

Had a bit of a revelation when I got home, though.  In all my time worrying about everything, preparing everything, and planning for everything, I forgot to think about what to do with myself this morning.  All of a sudden I have 4 hours with just me and a toddler.  It is amazing how it feels so much like the first time it was just me and a toddler, and that is good and bad.  Good that I can spend some quality alone time with Littlest Boo.  Bad that our conversations are limited to four words and cave-baby grunts.  I will definitely need to plan my mornings a little better.

And as for the tears--I guess they'll stop soon enough.  Every little step of motherhood is a small letting-go.   This is just one of many, but its definitely the biggest I have made so far.  I guess that's why it is hard, and why I've got the Mommy Blues.  Thanks for listening!